One of the most persuasive issues couples have when trying to reconcile after an affair is that the wife believes he still truly loves her and wants to be with her. This may be particularly true if he claims to be “in love” with the other woman.

Sometimes the other woman will make this claim (while the husband denies it) and the wife will desperately want to believe that it is not even close to being true. Someone might ask, “Do married men ever tell the other woman that they’re in love with her? The other woman my husband cheated with tells me that he told her he’s never loved more than he loves her.” I find this a little hard to believe. I come from a culture where the mistress was disrespected and everyone knew it was just about sex. People generally believed that a man loves his wife, but she lusts after her lover. Be careful, I imagined my husband having sex with her without much conversation and without exchanging words about their feelings, but she insists that this is not true, she insists that he told her that he loved her almost every times they were together, she has no proof of this at all. So that makes me not believe her even more. And my husband denies ever expressing any feelings of love for her. I want to save my marriage, but I’m not sure if I can. I think he really loved her. It’s over. He has been with me pretty much every moment since i found out so i think he has broken it and maybe all the claims of ‘love’ from him are because he is trying to break us up so he can have it. But I’m curious if married men tell the other woman that they love her.”

Men may express love for various deceptive reasons: From the correspondence I receive, it is quite clear that in some cases, yes, this claim is made. I think the reasons a husband makes this claim can certainly vary. Some men are dealing with a woman who is not going to go through with the affair unless she believes that she loves her and that they will have a future. (And then he tells her what she wants to hear.) Other men may truly believe they are in love with her at the time, but then quickly change their minds when faced with the prospect of losing her marriage.

Putting it in perspective: I know that what I am going to say may seem insensitive and I do not intend it to come out that way. But think for a second about what really matters. Her husband has made no attempt to see her and he seems perfectly content to end the affair and move on with her marriage. Does this sound like a man who is desperately in love with the other woman?

If he loved her that much, he would have refused to end the affair and would still be actively in that relationship. But this is not the case. He tells you. And he thought about breaking up with her abruptly and completely. This is not the behavior of a man who is deeply in love with another woman.

And I am not defending the behavior of your husband or any man who cheats on you. I know firsthand how hurtful and devastating that behavior is. At the same time, though, I think most men tell the other woman what he thinks she wants to hear.

Why an affair doesn’t meet the criteria for a ‘loving’ relationship: A relationship based on lies and secrets cannot be a very loving relationship, just by definition. Most of the time, the other woman desperately wants to believe that they love her from her because that makes everything easier for her. I’m not saying she’s lying. He could have told her that he loved her. But her behavior at this time does not indicate that she does.

We all know that truly loving relationships are built over time. They require honesty, loyalty and truth. They often emerge gradually and mature as the pair weather the storms together. Most of the time, an adventure does not meet this criteria. It’s a short-term thing that usually happens when a man is struggling emotionally and therefore has nothing emotional to give the other woman. It might make her feel better to think that he loves her. But the fact that he keeps her a secret, gives her bits of her time, and usually dumps her the moment her wife finds out about her isn’t very indicative. of true love.

So yes, married men sometimes tell the other woman that they love her. But certainly not everyone is serious. Many say it just to make things seem easier from a moral point of view. And they quickly move away from this view once they’ve been caught or once enough time has passed for them to see their feelings a little more clearly.