If you just broke up with your boyfriend, it’s no wonder getting back into his life is high on your list. However, wanting to return to his life and doing so are two separate things. Your initial moves after the breakup can make or break your chances of getting back together, so you’ll need to come up with a game plan and execute it carefully.
Take it easy at first… that’s the idea here. Move too fast and too soon, your ex will just move further away from you.
Remember that he broke up with you. If you want to win him back, you need to give him a reason to go out with you again, and you need to show it in a way that doesn’t scare him away. If you’re too strong, he’ll look away and he won’t even give you a second thought.
Understand that getting back into your ex’s life won’t be instantaneous. The biggest mistake you can make is trying to force yourself back into his life right after you’re done. Guys can see this coming from a mile away no matter how sweet and innocent you think you’re being.
What I’m trying to get across here is that you can’t just call him up to chat or say “hi” or do anything else that might give you a “reason” to contact your ex. As difficult as it is, what you need to do now is get away from him. Detaching from him gives you an air of independence, and by not forcing the issue you make it seem like you’ve accepted the breakup.
This is probably the best strategy you can use, especially if you are having trouble breaking contact with him or if he is still trying to get through to you.
Once you’ve decided to part with it, it has to be something you stick with for a while. Take comfort in the fact that if you execute this correctly, you’ll get your boyfriend back and he’ll be climbing the walls to talk to you again. The no contact rule after a breakup is painful and temporary, but it is also the most necessary phase in getting your ex boyfriend back. The longer you extend the no contact period between you and your ex, the more power you have to put yourself in a better position when it comes time to get back together.
How long should the no contact rule last?
The ideal non-contact period lasts between 6 and 8 weeks. The best part of your immediate removal from his life is that it will trigger some deep-seated thinking on his part. As your ex begins to examine the fact that you can live and breathe without him, he will begin to make some serious decisions in his life.
Nothing in a relationship speaks louder than actions, especially when those actions are nothing at all. If you take one thing away, let it be this: when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back, less is more. The less you do now, the less you’ll have to do later when it’s time to talk again.
All guys think the same thing when it comes to breaking up with a girl:
“After breaking up with a girl, I hope she’ll run back to me. She’ll have a million reasons why we should stay together, but I have a million reasons why we shouldn’t.”
“I guarantee he’ll try to contact you again. The first few days after a break up are awkward, so I try to keep my cell phone off.”
“If you don’t play your cards right, a breakup can be just as stressful as a relationship. The more she tries to continue the relationship, the less attractive she becomes and the less I want to see her.”
As you can see, you should ignore the urge to contact your ex right after the breakup, because doing so will seriously hurt your chances of getting back together. Forcing the issue on your ex could seriously upset the way he sees you, and it won’t be good.
With that said, there is a time when it’s okay to contact your ex that won’t negatively affect you or your chances of getting back together. If you fully and effectively implement the no contact rule with your ex, the typical waiting period is six to eight weeks. I know it seems like a long time. However, this time period is imperative when it comes to getting back together because it ensures that a few things have happened:
1. Not having any contact with your boyfriend for six to eight weeks will make you extremely mysterious and attractive to him. He’s going to be curious as to why you disappeared off the face of the earth and didn’t try to fight for the relationship. Also, your lack of contact with him will make him guess whether or not you have a new boyfriend and he will start to doubt himself, wondering if he made a big mistake.
2. It’s been long enough that your ex boyfriend now misses you. The six to eight week time frame is long enough for this to start happening naturally without you having to lift a finger. This clearly shows him the power of the no contact rule and why it is so important in getting his ex back.
3. Contacting your ex boyfriend after such a long absence will be greeted with pleasure rather than opposition, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he contacts you first! He will be curious about what you have been doing for so long, so he plays it cool and take it easy on the first phone call, don’t rush into anything. For all he knows, you probably have another boyfriend and are totally over him.
The most effective methods to contact your ex after the breakup
Alright, time to get down to business: how should you contact your ex boyfriend for the first time? What methods are the most effective for reestablishing contact, and how do you get back in touch with him in a way that doesn’t scare him off?
Let’s examine each option below:
Of all the ways at your disposal, this is probably the worst. Writing a note on their wall is boring and shows them that you’re not very creative.
What you are really telling your ex is that he is not important to you and that you would rather leave him a two second message than have a real conversation with him. Instead, he resorted to using social media and his computer to reopen the lines of communication. As you can see, it’s not a very good idea.
Just like before, this is a dud. Texting your ex is only slightly better than a Facebook wall post. The problem with texting is that it leaves room for interpretation by your ex, which could lead to confusion and ruin your chances of getting back together, it also gives you the option to delete your message entirely… which could cause you to panic and then wonder if you ever got the message in the first place, or did you just delete it?
Sending emails is better than the previous two methods, but it’s still not pretty. With that being said, I still don’t recommend doing it unless your relationship started out that way (which many do nowadays).
The advantage of using email over texting and Facebook is that it’s easier to compose your message and get your thoughts and ideas across. Ideally, you want to compose a message that will make your ex want to call you back. The more cryptic and mysterious you are in your message, the more he’ll want to call you back and see what you’ve been up to. The ultimate goal here is to get your ex to call you. Reconnecting by phone is always the best option.
The phone call:
Don’t rush things when it comes to the phone call. It should be done when he has a few minutes to talk and have a real conversation with you. Don’t call him at work or when he’s out with his friends.
The phone call with your boyfriend is the most important step in getting back in touch with him and that’s why you have to be very careful. Keep the conversation between the two of you light and upbeat and try to be a bit mysterious as well. And don’t forget, since you are the one who initiated the call; make sure you’re in control when you’re done.
During the phone call, make sure to use this simple trick that will make your ex unable to get you off his mind. If you plant the seed now during your call, your ex boyfriend will be left imagining you for the rest of the night and all week.
The face-to-face meeting:
Regardless of which phase you are in, you will eventually have a face-to-face meeting with your ex. This can be risky or rewarding since you haven’t seen each other in a long time, but if done correctly it can bring quick results. I hope that during your no contact period you have improved as a person both physically and mentally. It is important that your ex is attracted to you just as he was before. If you look, dress, and smell your best, you’ll get your ex boyfriend’s attention and greatly improve your chances of getting him back.
Just like the phone call with your ex, you’re just looking to give him a little taste, don’t give him too much too soon. Any face-to-face contact with your ex boyfriend should be brief so that you keep his curiosity at its peak and his desire for more. This will also make your chance meeting seem less staged.
If you run into each other by accident, keep the conversation short with an apology that you’re busy and have to be somewhere else. This way, it will seem like you’ve completely moved on and are over it and you’re in full control.
Don’t be surprised if during your “chance” meeting he doesn’t want you to leave. Get ready for this. If it happens, don’t worry; just tell him to call you later that night. That single invitation will make his heart pound waiting to call you. This is a simple method to get the conversation flowing between the two of you, and puts the ball in your court.