Naturally speaking publicly about sex I have been asked for my credentials. I find such questions a bit ironic when one sees the variety of conflicting explanations of women’s sexual experiences provided by people who have professional qualifications.

An expert will affirm that women reach orgasm at the age of 19; another claims 30. Some say that clitoral stimulation is necessary for orgasm and others that clitoral stimulation is irrelevant to female orgasm.

Clearly, there is little requirement of logic, fact, or consensus of opinion in accounts of women’s sexual experiences. So how are we supposed to know what to believe?

Go ask Alicia! is one of the few sources willing to acknowledge that many women have difficulty reaching orgasm with their partner. They admit that some women only have an orgasm through masturbation or oral sex and NEVER have an orgasm during sex. They advise that some women learn to have an orgasm during intercourse with practice.

I would be the first person to agree that these facts are too depressing for any of us to accept. BUT unfortunately these are the FACTS.

How women reach orgasm

For the past ten years and more, I have used my own personal experience to challenge the facts, logic and common sense of a wide variety of ‘expert’ opinions and explanations.

My conclusions are based on an analysis of the general sexual behaviors of women in society, as well as the individual sexual experiences of other women. My goal is to provide women who can relate to what I am saying with the benefit of the conclusions I have drawn in the hope that they may find them useful.

(1) Clitoral stimulation is needed for female orgasm

“…certainly, for most women it is easier to have an orgasm during masturbation than during intercourse…With masturbation, a woman can focus sexual stimulation precisely where she finds it most arousing…For the For most women, masturbation involves some form of clitoral stimulation, whereas with intercourse, the clitoris is only indirectly stimulated,…” (p587 Human Sexuality (fifth edition) 1995)

(2) Clitoral stimulation is only effective when combined with the use of sexual fantasies.

“Few of us reach orgasm without fantasy…” (p13 Hot Sex 1998)

We can certainly confirm that women use both clitoral stimulation and sexual fantasies to reach orgasm only during masturbation. However, this does not mean that the same orgasm techniques always work effectively as part of a sexual relationship. In particular, a woman may not be able to use her sexual fantasies effectively during sex with a lover.