If you have been reading about codependent women and codependency, you probably know that codependent women are often attracted to and relate to a man with mental health issues. She could be an alcoholic or a drug addict. She could have a personality disorder such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder. However, the man could well suffer from addictions and a personality disorder at the same time.

Even if the man doesn’t actually have a full blown personality disorder, he probably has enough mental health issues that he won’t be able to provide the woman with the kind of relationship she really wants. For example, while most women expect a partner, he may want to control her. He could also be abusive to achieve this goal. And while the narcissistic male may rely primarily on verbal abuse or emotional abuse to achieve his goals, the male suffering from antisocial personality disorder tends to become physically abusive, often beginning with verbal abuse and emotional abuse, and then add the physical abuse.

In fact, the man with a personality disorder and addiction problems is not able to provide the woman with what she wants in a relationship. Not only is he prone to being abusive, but he is essentially incapable of love, either to give it or to receive it. At first he may seem very strong, or he may seem quite romantic and affectionate. Sex can be great too. But once this type of man believes that he has the woman hooked, things can change drastically. Since he likely selected her because of her tendency toward codependency, which he probably picked up on right away, she’s likely left with her, confused as to why he doesn’t treat her the way he does. did before her. She keeps waiting for the days of wine and roses to return when instead they are probably over for good. However, she will believe him when she tells him that if she did such-and-such better, or such-and-such differently, those good days might come back!

sure, anything maybe happen. But that doesn’t mean it ever will. And, in the case of the relationship with the narcissistic, abusive, and addicted man, the woman may well turn into a pretzel to try to please him, but he will never be pleased. Of course, she doesn’t realize that he needs to always be right. That means he must make her wrong. In fact, she needs to be better than everyone else. That means he must do it less than. So, she will always lose. But because of her codependency, she may still be in denial about what’s really going on, the dynamic of her relationship that he’s not willing to change, since they serve him so well.

All abusive relationships affected by PTSD are not created equal

But what about a relationship that we’re seeing more of now and will see more of in the future, the one that’s affected by post-traumatic stress disorder or PTSD? Do women who are in relationships with abusive and addicted PTSD patients also suffer from codependency? After all, many people with PTSD are angry and can be verbally and emotionally abusive. In fact, some will become physically violent, even killing their partner. Many PTSD patients abuse alcohol and drugs to try to better manage the troublesome symptoms of PTSD, which only increases the chance that the patient will become abusive with her partner.

To answer the question about codependency, you need to consider whether the woman was already in a relationship with this person before he developed PTSD, or whether she was involved with a person who had long-term PTSD and had PTSD since then. the beginning. beginning of her relationship? Also, has this PTSD patient done nothing to try to deal with the troublesome symptoms of PTSD? In the first case, the woman could have sent her partner to the war zone seeing her lover as some kind of man. If she developed PTSD as a result of that experience, it’s possible that she came back as an apparent outsider. The symptoms of PTSD can do just that to a person and thus change the nature of their relationship overnight into something that is the antithesis of warmth and love. As mentioned above, it could turn deadly, in fact.

The woman involved with someone who more recently developed PTSD and exhibits problematic behaviors due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder needs to be concerned about her physical and emotional well-being, as well as that of any children present, because the person with PTSD can be a danger to both for others as well as for himself. She really could have suicidal and homicidal thoughts, thoughts that she never would have had before she developed PTSD. So the woman in a relationship with such a man should always have a safety plan and be prepared to leave. At the same time, though, if he’s getting help for those PTSD symptoms, she should be hopeful things can get better. She probably wants to suck it up and support him because, in fact, her support will probably help him improve and become more like the man he was before. While she may never become the same person because, say, war changes people, that doesn’t mean they can’t have a good relationship and happy family again.

The woman who hopes that her will to continue giving to the man who has suffered from PTSD for years, but without seeking treatment, faces a different situation. She needs to realize that she has helped people with long-term PTSD. So, instead of just giving and giving as a codependent woman is wont to do, she may want to stop and ask her partner if she has considered psychotherapy to help him better manage his PTSD symptoms. Also, does she realize that there are medications that could also help control those symptoms? If he indicates that she tried those things and they didn’t work, then she may need to stop and ask herself if there are things wrong with this picture that she can’t change. Or, if he says no one can help him, only wimps seek help, or he certainly doesn’t have any mental health issues but she falls victim to them quite frequently, then she should probably erase her denial and stare . the face of reality instead.

It can be sad that someone has to develop and suffer from PTSD. But since the person with PTSD has allowed her life to be ruined by those PTSD symptoms, should the woman stay and ruin her life, too? She can make a conscious choice to do so; for example, she believes that this is her purpose or mission and, no matter what sacrifices she must make, she certainly will. But if she finds herself simply doing this because she is used to being trampled on or used and abused by others because this happened to her in childhood, then you may want to consider the fact that she is behaving codependently. Also, she may want to work to stop being codependent.

By the way, we are not trying to blame or condemn the victim of PTSD. The PTSD patient likely experienced one or more traumatic events outside of her control. Then his brain reacted in ways the individual couldn’t control, at least not at first. But since the brain is more malleable than mental health experts once believed, with the right therapy, it may be possible to rewire the brain in such a way that PTSD symptoms disappear altogether, or at least become more severe. manageable. Additionally, psychotherapists know techniques to teach PTSD patients so they can better manage any remaining symptoms.

If you are concerned about a woman who tends to sit back and put up with abuse from her partner, take responsibility for problems created by PTSD symptoms, or engage in other behaviors she finds loving and caring while causing you and others to raise eyebrows , you may want to gently suggest that you suspect you might be suffering from codependency. Plus, she might as well be doing herself and her partner a favor by pushing for him to recover from those debilitating symptoms of PTSD and her from codependency.