Over the weekend, I received an email from a desperate woman who said her husband had admitted to being sexually attracted to a co-worker. The husband swore that nothing had happened between them. There was supposedly no sex or physical contact, but the husband was guilty of the attraction and wanted to tell his wife about it. The wife, in turn, had no idea how she was supposed to respond to or handle this. She should she be thankful that he told her? Could she believe that nothing was wrong? Should she forbid him from seeing this woman? Should she be angry? Was this the same as cheating? I tell you what I told him in the following article.

If your husband is telling you about his attraction to someone else before an affair has happened, this is a positive:I can’t tell you how many women write to me AFTER they’ve already had an affair and wish the husband had told them his feelings before something happened (when actually they could do something about it). Often, once the cat is out of the bag, it’s too late.

So as much as it hurts right now, I can promise you this is better than being told after the fact. You are being given valuable notice that may allow you to avoid a great deal of damage. Yes, I know it hurts. Yes, I know you probably still feel pretty betrayed and angry. This is completely understandable, but you also have to appreciate that her husband was willing to be honest with you, as difficult and risky as it was for him. The truth is, he could have acted on this sexual attraction without uttering a word. Many men do this without giving it a second thought. The fact that he came to you first indicates that he wants to patch things up before taking a turn that may well change the landscape of your marriage.

How to handle it when your husband tells you that he is attracted to someone else:Hopefully by now you can see that there is something positive to this. However, the question of what to do now remains. You can’t just ignore this. If this was just a little thing that would go away on its own, your husband wouldn’t risk telling you what it is. He clearly thinks this is serious enough to get his attention. This situation must be taken seriously and handled very quickly.

First, you need to ask your husband for clarification. Without harassing or hysterical, you should ask for more details. How long have you felt this way? How does she answer him? Have you been together without others present? Is there mutual flirting? Has she approached him for something else? You need to know if he has feelings that are being returned.

Now, it is very important that you are very aware of how you respond when he answers these questions. Because if you respond with anger or quicker questions, then he knows that he can’t be honest with you because if he is, he’ll only get a negative reaction. So, he’s going to learn to shut up and hide things from you. You can’t have this. He must keep communication open so that he can control this situation.

The best way to get your husband away from her: Women often ask me if they should forbid their husbands to see the other woman. Actually, you should leave this to him. The best thing you can do is make him happy and satisfied at home so that he is motivated to stay away from her. Basically, you want to tell him that you want to focus on repairing and strengthening your marriage. Tell her that in order to do this, you can no longer have contact with her. It will be impossible or very difficult for you to keep her attention and commitment if you always have to worry about her.

It’s important that he gets some reward for telling you the truth so that he’s encouraged to keep communication open. Try to be receptive, optimistic, and committed to improving your marriage. If he sees that his situation improves by being honest and open with you, he will continue to put your marriage and you first. You have to do your part by allowing him to be honest about what makes him look elsewhere, and then immediately address and fix the issues.

The bottom line is that it’s never fun to hear that your husband is attracted to someone else. But, the fact that he told you this before anything actually happened shows his commitment and loyalty to you. This is actually a very positive thing. Many women do not have this luxury, so take advantage of this notice and strengthen your marriage so that you never have to worry about this woman again.