Husbands who get caught up in an affair often make many promises to convince their wives not to leave them or end the marriage. To that end, many husbands promise that if the wife gives him a chance, she won’t be sorry. Many wives think about this promise for a while before making important decisions. After all, an affair is so painful. And recovery is no picnic either. Therefore, staying the course and fighting for your marriage is a decision that should not be taken lightly. Still, many wives decide to try to make it work because it’s hard to just walk away from a marriage. They make the decision in the hope that the husband will keep all his promises.

Many husbands do their best to follow through, but some do better than others. I hear from quite a few wives who feel that her husband is not delivering what he promised. In fact, many need look no further than the lack of time she is dedicating to recovery. If this isn’t bad enough, the wife feels that she shouldn’t have to beg for more of her time, but that’s exactly the position she finds herself in. She might say, “After I found out my husband was cheating on me, he cried that very night. He told me that he had never regretted anything so much and he had no idea what he would do if he lost me. He told me that if I gave him Given a chance, I would see a different man. I wanted to believe this. But I’ve also seen a big change in my husband since he got a promotion. He works a lot harder. He’s more ambitious. “I think these changes led to his affair. However, he seemed so apologetic and sweet when he promised to change, so she wanted to believe him. Unfortunately, he hasn’t changed much. He still works so much. He seems like he never has time for me anymore. I’m not saying he has less time for me. It is more or less the same. And he hoped that he would try to clear his schedule a bit so that we could do special things to recover. My friends say that I should say something about this, but I don’t feel like I have to. I’m very depressed. I feel like he sold me a big lie. I’m not sure why he made such a fuss about me not leaving him if he wasn’t going to try to make things better. Now I’m regretting it and I’m not sure what to do.”

Be very specific about your expectations: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my own recovery from my spouse affair, it’s that sometimes to get what you want, you have to ask for it, and in some cases, demand it. Sometimes you have to ask more than once. Often our spouse thinks he is doing well while we know he is not. But we can’t always expect them to change unless we talk.

Trust me, I completely understand your frustration. But I think before you give up and walk away from her marriage, you really need to define for her husband exactly what she expects of him in terms of time. After that, it will be up to him to rise to the occasion or not. If he doesn’t, then you’ll have to decide how you want to proceed. But if he does, you’ve gotten what you want and you don’t need to end your marriage. It is certainly worth trying to explain it to him.

You could try: “We need to talk about something that is weighing heavily on me. After your affair, you promised you would work it out. In my opinion, that meant more time for myself and our marriage. So far, I haven’t seen that. I know your work requires you to dedicate time to it. However, what we are going through makes this time in our marriage a special circumstance. I’m not sure we’ll make it if we don’t. Don’t put in the time. Can we sit down and talk about your schedule and find out exactly where and when we can schedule some time for us?It also helps if you can tell him exactly what kind of time you’re talking about.Do you want me to be home by 6:30 as often as possible?Do you want me to clear your calendar for Friday nights to go out to dinner? Do you want me to come to church with you on Sunday? Ask yourself what is most important to you and then speak up. You can’t meet your needs if you don’t let them m oops clear. Listen to your answer. There’s always room for negotiation, but you should certainly come to the table with some accommodations.