What I am about to say goes against what most people on this planet believe, but it is true: The only way to achieve complete, lasting, and satisfying joy is to love and focus on others. instead of being selfish and doing things “our way”. This is a spiritual truism that millions have found about transcendence-the pinnacle of human existence.

When we search for things that rightly shouldn’t be ours, we can wreak havoc on the lives of those close to us. I recently saw a movie that illustrates this point well. “A loving kiss …” is a title of a Robert Burns poem “A loving kiss, and then we’ll part …”

The plot of the film involves a Muslim man from Glasgow (Casim) of Pakistani descent and an Irish-born music teacher (Roisin). They fall in love with each other. However, Casim is willing to get married in 2 months and the relationship that is steeped in passion hits rocky ground. Throughout the film, many people’s lives, cultural traditions, and family relationships are shattered by Casim and Roisin’s unequally yoked relationship. Casim’s parents would never accept a “goree” (a white girl) and he knows it, aside from the fact that breaking up the impending marriage casts disgrace on the surname within the close Islamic family community.

As the story progresses and the lovers run into trouble; lies and deception rule them more and more, from Roisin having to duck in the car as they pass by Casim’s cousin’s shop, to going on vacation together without anyone else’s knowledge, this is ironically when Casim tells him to first time to Roisin who is ready to be married in nine weeks.

Meanwhile, Casim’s faithful family father Tariq is busy building extensions to the family home to accommodate Casim and his future wife, Cousin Jasmine. Offer your child everything he can afford at home. What also compounds the problem for the family is that Casim’s two sisters have problems of their own; the youngest is determined not to become a doctor as her parents wish, but to leave Glasgow and study journalism in Edinburgh. His acceptance to the university there is met with disdain and, in light of all these problems, completely breaks the father. He sees everything he values ​​in jeopardy.

Roisin’s view is predictable. She is almost justifiably very upset at the prospect of being ‘abandoned’ by Casim’s cousin and fights over him, putting more pressure on the enormously sensitive issue – she has no control over the severity of the situation and can only think of herself. Casim wants what he wants and the rest is history. It’s a family disaster zone! It is a clash of cultures with the West crushing the East, morally.

It made me feel ashamed to think that a foolish encounter of love (or “lust”) made many lives utter misery, this included ‘the happy couple’. This kind of thing crushes lives today, as the generation of today (and yesterday) could take responsibility for ‘fighting for their freedom’. What freedom? Liberty at the expense of of those who love them and sacrifice a lot for them! This kind of freedom reaches such a point high Y lasting cost, but those in the middle of the problem, the Casim and the Roisin, just don’t see it. The cost is high: relationships made with blood change and break down forever. Entire families are spiritually destroyed. The cost is long-lasting; once the writing is done, it can never be corrected. The damage is done. It is a real life tragedy that happens every day many times around the world, and this is just one example of culture shock.

Countless relationships of potential and those involving children are broken every day, due to selfishness and the sin of lust. A loving kiss, and then we’ll part … he is scared of danger. A silly moment, followed with selfish pride for not wanting to deal with the pain of the problem, sees not just two ruined lives but an entire family. This is the complete opposite of the real meaning of “joy”.

Going back to the original “plot” of this story, joy is the result of true humility, which could be described as disinterest. I love the way the Apostle Paul puts it:

“Therefore, if you have any encouragement to be united with Christ, if any consolation from his love, if some common participation in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then complete my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, Be one in spirit and one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vanity. Rather, humbly value others above yourself, without looking out for your own interests. [alone] but each one of you to the interests of the others “.[1]

Whether Christian or not, the truth is the same. If you win something with love, be sure to give something back. The essence of joy is in focus, not on ourselves, but on a shift towards others. If Casim had thought about this before getting involved with Roisin, he might have had a respectful approach to her, and left it at that, knowing the potential harm that awaited them both if they were involved together. Joy in this light is being in control of yourself and not having to deal with the guilt of destroying family relationships. The “real obstacle to unity is … self-centeredness”,[2] and wanting one’s own path in isolation from the needs of others. Self-centeredness in this way is therefore weak; it is without resolution. The ‘unity in community’ is a truth from which no one can escape. Pay homage to this truth and you may achieve joy; neglect yourself and the disappearance of your community.

The above quote effectively says, ‘if we are loved (by family), then we should love them; be prepared to love even a little more. ‘ We are called to do something as a result of the love that is given to us, that if it is not through Christ, it is through the love of the family and their sacrifices for us. In light of this, we need to be cautious and protective of what and whom we love, and be prepared to make the same kinds of sacrifices for our family members that they have made for us. It is fair and just.

© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.

[1] This passage is from Paul’s letter to the Philippians, chapter 2 verses 1-4 (niv).

[2] Mr. Silva, Philippians, Baker’s Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, 2nd ed. (Baker Academic, Grand Rapids, Michigan, 1992, 2005), p. 87.