Often when we walk down the aisle, we want to believe that our husbands will be everything to us.

We want them to love us unconditionally, cheer us up, make us happy, and become our best friends.

However, we often feel disappointed when it comes to the marital relationship because we are disappointed in our husbands for one reason or another.

While you should enjoy your marriage, one thing to understand is that marriage is not necessarily about your happiness. Marriage can help you become a better person and make you stronger. It should help make you better and better as a person, but sometimes upgrades and enhancements can come at a cost and great pain.

When I say pain, I do not mean abuse or adultery. These types of situations require counseling and / or other types of immediate intervention. Both situations are unforgivable and could ultimately lead to death.

Your marriage should be a reflection of Christ and His church. But sometimes it is not. In fact, sometimes your marriage can be dead!

However, it is possible to rekindle love and bring your marriage back to life.

After many years of frustration due to unfulfilled expectations, I now recognize how much I need to add value to my relationships.

And in the case of marriage, I know I need to give my husband 5 things that will make him happy and keep him coming home.

I am not saying that you should be the only one contributing to the marriage. Nor am I saying that your husband should be the only one enjoying the marriage relationship. It definitely takes two for a marriage to work well.

But in my sixteen years of marriage, I have learned that certain things make most men happy and can ultimately help you strengthen your marriage, lifting it from the grave and bringing it back to life.

These five things include:

1) Food – Truly, this is partly the way to a man’s heart. Find out what your husband likes. Feed it and do it well. Make sure the food you feed is healthy and tasty.

2) Sex: this is probably the main element. But the irony is that many of the women I coach struggle to have sex with their husbands. Men have a great physical need to have sex. It is part of who they are. I have often wondered why God made us so different in our view of sex. And although I have my opinions on this, I have learned to give in AND to enjoy sex with my husband. Having passionate sex can make your husband happy and make your marriage closer.

3) Respect: women yearn for love and men yearn for respect. Again, this is an area where men and women differ in their perspectives, but if your husband knows that you respect him, instead of undermining him or being negative and argumentative, he may become more open to communicating with you. Often times when a man feels that his wife does not respect him, he feels hurt, dejected and less of a man. This causes him to close and leave the marriage … at least emotionally.

4) Peace: Men would rather run away from home than deal with a noisy and chaotic home. Try to make your home a haven of peace for your husband. Make it a place they want to return home to, physically, emotionally, and mentally.

5) Support: When a man dreams, he needs his wife to become his cheerleader, even when it seems like he is failing. When it’s dark, he needs you to be his ray of hope.

Of course you cannot take God’s place. But often your husband needs you more than you think.

If you can provide these things within your marriage with a sincere heart, you can begin the journey of bringing a dead marriage to life. Be willing to understand their needs and be open to sharing yourself with your husband in this way. While doing some of these things may require a sacrifice, they can ultimately bring a dead marriage back to life.