Dating is the time for lasting first impressions, so you need to get the important things right. Kissing is one of them. If you are a woman who really likes someone, you need to make sure that when she kisses you, she will want to do it over and over again. What you are about to read is a version of this topic from a man’s perspective. As someone who has kissed multiple women shortly after the first date, these are my reflections and thoughts on what made some kisses so ordinary while others spectacular.

And I have to say … statistically speaking, nice kisses were about 5 percent of all of them. The rest were very ordinary, even unpleasant. Perhaps the 40-year-old women I have kissed are not representative of the entire female population, but in my opinion, there are certainly many women who have no idea what to do. So here are some important things to remember:

Before even thinking of kissing a man

Make sure your lips are soft and warm. There is nothing more unpleasant than a passionate moment that ends abruptly because you have rubbed your lips with someone else’s scales. Use a lip balm to keep your lips soft and exfoliate with a toothbrush and warm water.

Make sure you smell good. This means choosing your perfumes and body powders carefully. There is nothing worse than kissing someone who smells like grandma. If you want to be sexy, think “young and fresh” when selecting these things. Also, take care of yourself and bathe regularly, because body odor or rancid perspiration is a real distaste. As for your breath … need I say more?

Doing it

The lyrics of the song that say “it’s in her kiss” applies to both women and men. A man will read how much he means to you by the way you kiss him. If he is looking at you as a long-term perspective, he will also have a clear impression of what awaits him in terms of sensual or other pleasures. You want to make sure it counts because ‘how it feels when you kiss’ is high on a man’s priority list that determines how he feels about you.

Whatever you do, don’t purse your lips when kissing. He will think you are an ice queen or he will remember Grandma’s kisses. If you get to the point where you want to kiss a man, let him know that you are a hot-blooded woman. Make it count or don’t bother. You have to open your mouth or you could close your heart. This doesn’t mean going straight into the saliva exchange and tongue slip, that can be a bit overwhelming and send a different message. But soft, extended lips and open mouth is where you should start.

Gently touch your lips to his. Taste and savor the shape and texture of your mouth. Run your lips over his and gently suck on one of them or let him do this to you. If he is kissing your teeth or pressing your lips against your teeth, you have a serious problem. Put your lips out! Also, keep your eyes closed or your man will think you’re putting up with him.

After that, all you need to do is do what feels right to you. Take it as it comes, but let the man lead. That could be as far as you both want to go. On the other hand, your mutual body language may be saying it’s time to get better. The signs of this are usually heavier breathing, wrapping the arms more intensely, more kisses on the face or neck, and a sense of urgency and desire. This will send you to the sexiest kiss of all – the French kiss.

French kissing surpasses all others in sheer sensuality and is a sure way to fan the flames of desire. This is where you enter your languages. He will let you know when he wants that, but you should also feel ready for him to get there. Put your tongue in his mouth and gently touch the tip of your tongue with his. Stroke his tongue with yours, brushing sideways, while letting him know you want this by placing your hands or arms around the back of his neck. What you do after that will completely depend on how you feel about each other.

The perfect kiss comes in many forms, from nervous kisses on the cheek to wet and sloppy supercharged kisses. It all depends on you and your partner and the dynamics of the moment. For some, a kiss can be a way of saying “I love you”; For others, it might just be saying “let’s enjoy and see how it feels.”

One kiss isn’t everything, but when it really counts, you don’t want to ruin it.