Recently, a man asked me the following question:

“Calle, can you tell me what’s going on? My wife and I have been married for 15 years and after the first year, sex started to be less and less frequent. My wife just wasn’t in the mood for it … I didn’t feel like having sex … I had a “headache” … I was “tired” or whatever.

Now if we make love once a month it’s a miracle and even then she’s clearly and obviously just “giving” me, so I shut up and go. It doesn’t seem to matter what I say or do, my wife just doesn’t seem to have any interest in sex. And so it has been for years. It wasn’t like that before we got married and for the first year, but after that, it’s like her sex drive has completely disappeared.

And now … the last thing I’ve discovered is that my wife seems to be having an affair. Of course she is denying it, but I see too many signs … too many red flags … and the last time we made love it was definitely as if she had been in bed with another boy and ever since, she has. he has been even more distant and shunned my focuses more strongly than in the past.

So my question is, how can a woman who has had no desire for sex for all these years … who has avoided being intimate with me have an affair with another man? That just doesn’t make any sense to me … I don’t get it! “

That’s a good question, don’t you think? How can a woman who apparently does not like or does not want sex have sex with another man? Well, let’s explore what’s really going on by asking another question …

What kind of man does your wife want?

The answer to that question is my famous phrase: “A woman wants a man with whom she can have a positive and sexual reaction.” A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And she wants a man who thinks, behaves and operates in an attractive, attractive and sexy way.

And, when the man who asked the question above didn’t provide those things to his wife, she started to turn away from him … she started to stop wanting to have sex with HIM.

BIG, BIG, distinction here … she didn’t stop wanting sex … she stopped wanting sex with HIM. She stopped wanting to have sex with a man who was not sexually arousing her.

Now, the problem was not that this man was incapable of sexually arousing his wife. The problem was, he hadn’t learned how to do it yet.

As a comparison, imagine that right after this man married his wife, she started to get uglier and uglier until she finally turned into this hideously grotesque woman. If this had happened, the man would have stopped wanting to have sex with his wife, right? Well, for a man, it has mainly to do with physical appearance. For a wife, it has mainly to do with the feelings that the man she is with creates within her … and this man just needed to learn how to create the right feelings within her.

Your wife wanted sex in the past. She wants sex NOW. He wants sex in the future. So if your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, then she wants it with someone else. If your wife doesn’t want to have sex with you, I suggest you use it as motivation to become the kind of man your wife wants before you go looking for someone else.

Now, I want to raise a related point …

Recently, he was helping a different man who was also in a nearly identical situation … he and his wife had been married for 18 years, the wife had resisted and rejected sex for years … and then found out that his wife was having an affair, etc. Anyway, when I started talking to this man, one of the things he said over and over again was …

“Overall, I have been a very good husband and father!”

I’m sure you’ve heard other men say this about themselves, right? And in fact, you may have even said or thought this about yourself.

But, let’s ask ourselves, what does it really mean to say that you are a good husband and father? Well, when you reduce it all, for most men it means three things:

1. They are a decent provider.

2. They are not alcoholics or drug addicts.

3. They are not physically abusive.

Now this is what men should wake up to and realize … none of those three things mean that a man has satisfied, excited or generated a positive and sexual reaction in his wife towards him. None of these three things mean that a wife really respects, admires, or is attracted to her husband.

In fact, all too often “I’ve been a good husband” really just means that a man has been mild, passive, kind, tolerated a lot of nonsense and misbehavior … and that is NOT the guy’s type of man to whom a woman will have a positive and sexual reaction. So, let me say it again …

A woman wants a man who understands and meets her needs. And she wants a man who thinks, behaves and operates in an attractive, attractive and sexy way. For the sake of your marriage and any children you may have, I strongly encourage you to become this type of man.

Copyright 2009, article by Calle Zorro. Permission to reprint this article is granted ONLY if Calle Zorro is credited with authorship and a link to DoThisGetSex.com is included.